Funny Quotes

Time to Tickle Your Funny Bones!

Yes, laughter is always the best medicines----though sometimes it could be the killer. I once heard my roommate breaking the news that her previous schoolmate's dad died after experiencing a great bliss. He technically had a heart attack after, well, laughing so hard when he knew that his son won in the SK election. This is honestly true----go ahead search it in your all-time favorite Google if you're not convinced. 

Anyway, I always have this humorous bone in my body. I find myself so easy to laugh, even if the jokes are  obviously corny. I honestly hate engaging in serious conversations and I always try to save them with some of  the humors hidden at the back of my head. I used to memorize some of the jokes, thinking that these will come in  handy in case I need to impress my friends, or sometimes my crush. And I dare say, those tactics were truly effective. Humor can actually do such wonders. 

Here are a few jokes that I hope will get the bark, I mean the laugh, out of you.

Makabagong sagisag ng Pilipinas:

Pambansang Ibon: ANGRY BIRD

Pambansang Laro: DOTA

Pambansang Awit: KUNIN MO NA ANG LAHAT SA AKIN

Pambansang Sayaw: TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE

XD

Juan at the library: I want to borrow the book entitled "Psycho the Rapist."

The librarian searched for almost two hours then came back, slaps him and says,

"Idiot! The book's title is "Psychotherapist"!

Huh? Me? A muggle? Expelliarmus!!!

Kapag madami ang hadlang sa landas na gusto mong tahakin...

Kapag lahat nakakabangga mo at kumokontra sa 'yo...

Huwag kang makulit...

EXIT yan... dun ka sa ENTRANCE.

Chillax...

PINOY HENYO

"Kutsilyo"

Juan: Bagay ba to?

Pedro: Oo

Juan: Nasa bahay?

Pedro: Oo!

Juan: Ginagamit sa kusina?

Pedro: Oo!!

Juan: Matalim ba to?

Pedro: Oo!!!

Juan: Pinaghihiwa ng sibuyas, kamatis, ganon?

Pedro: Oo!! Oo!!

Juan: Uhm... Uhm... Pass!

John: I've been seeing spots in front of my eyes.

Peter: Have you seen a doctor?

John: No, just spots.

[Loool]

Years ago, people who sacrifice their sleep, family, food, laughter and other joys of life were called saints.

But now they are called STUDENTS.    :P

What happens when a lion roars thrice?

Think!

.

.

.

Any guess?

.

.

.

Ok, I will tell you..

.

.

.

Tom and Jerry cartoon begins!

Top 6 problems of students:

1. Allowance

2. Assignment

3. Exam

4. Grades

5. Professors and...

6. Paper!!!

Let's make life easier, shall we?

Two terrorists having discussion in a bar...

The waiter asks them what the discussion was about.

Terrorist: We are planning to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey..

Waiter: Why a donkey?

[Then one terrorist tells the other]

" See, I told you. Nobody will care about the 14 thousand people."

I guess I'll use Yahoo instead

Isang gabi, may babaeng nasiraan ng kotse sa isang liblib na bayan.

Sa tapat ng sementeryo may puno ng balete.

May lumapit na matandang may binebentang isang libro sa halagang Dalawang libong piso

Namahalan siya pero napilitan syang bilhin ang libro dahil na rin sa takot

Sabi ng matanda, "Huwag mong titingnan ang huling pahina kundi magsisisi ka!"

Tapos nawala na ang matanda...

Umandar ang kotse. Sa bahay hindi siya makatulog, kinuha ang libro, at tiningnan ang huling pahina.

Nakasulat:

" NATIONAL BOOKSTORE    Php39.50."

[In Bisayan Language]

JUAN: Pedro, sure ka mao ni ang lubnganan sa imong igsoon nga si Ramon?

PEDRO: Sure jud ko!

JUAN: Unsa imung ilhanan nga 10 ka tuig na man kaha nga wala kay bisita sa puntod?

PEDRO: Kani kay naa man gud R.I.P.

JUAN: Unsa man diay ng R.I.P.?

PEDRO: "Ramon Igsoong Pedro."

 Yeah, dare to call them gay.

Boy: Kabalo ka, mura kag kabayo doh

Girl: Kay gusto ko nimo sakyan?

Boy: Dili

Girl: Kay paspas mubuto imung kasingkasing kung naa ko?

Boy: Dili pod

Girl: Unsa diay?

Boy: Wala lang, mura lang gud kag kabayo.

I 'll never wish to have a heart attack in Africa.

LoveLoveLove

Love Quotes

Hi! I'm sort of in love today since I realize there are still several people out there (especially this special one <3) who love me. It's weird right? Knowing that today is Halloweeen? Lol. Well I guess I feel the love in the air if it's some kind of horror day. Rofl. Anyway, I compiled a couple of love quotes in which some are in Filipino language, so lucky for you Filipino readers. :) Enjoy!

Loving someone who doesn't feel the same way, is like using a WHITE CRAYON in a WHITE PAPER---- you exert effort, yet its always invisible.

It is impossible to find someone who will never hurt you...

So go on for the one who is WORTH ALL THE PAIN..

He said: Walang matinong lalaki sa malanding babae.

She said: Walang malanding babae kung matino ang lalaki

Sino sa tingin mo ang tama?

Girl: Ano pangarap mo?

Boy: Gusto ko mapag-isa

Girl: Sunget mo naman!!!

Boy: Ang puso nating dalawa... <3

While kuya is studying his lessons, his little brother came to ask him;

Little Brother: Kuya, ano ang love?

Kuya: Ang love parang ikaw... ISTORBO sa pag-aaral!

One of the most happiest things on earth is when you know you're in love with someone who is more in love with you... [so true]

[This is in Bisayan language]

Kung ikaw akong kontra sa lumbag dagan...

pwede maglakaw na lang ta?

Nganu mo dagan pa man ko kung kuyog na nako akong premyo?

Huwag kang magtaka kung bigla kang i-kidnap at ilagay sa sako,

si Santa Claus yun... Ikaw kasi ang wish ko ngayong pasko...

[And my most favorite one]

You will never be enough for everybody...

But this is for sure;

You are the best for someone who really appreciates you...

I end this post with the poem I love, Sonnet 116: Let me not to the marriage of true minds, by the well-admired William Shakespeare. 

SONNET 116

Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark 

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks 

Within his bending sickle's compass come: 

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, 

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

   If this be error and upon me proved,

   I never writ, nor no man ever loved. 

And here's its analysis taken line by line...

Let me not declare any reasons why two

True-minded people should not be married. Love is not love

Which changes when it finds a change in circumstances,

Or bends from its firm stand even when a lover is unfaithful:

Oh no! it is a lighthouse

That sees storms but it never shaken;

Love is the guiding north star to every lost ship,

Whose value cannot be calculated, although its altitude can be measured.

Love is not at the mercy of Time, though physical beauty

Comes within the compass of his sickle.

Love does not alter with hours and weeks,

But, rather, it endures until the last day of life.

If I am proved wrong about these thoughts on love

Then I recant all that I have written, and no man has ever [truly] loved. I love this poem. I hope you see why I do so... Enjoy your Halloweens Guys!!!

Game of Life

Quotes in Life

I just watched the video on late Steve Job's speech during the Standford University Commencement Exercise 2005. And damn, what can I say. His life is such an inspiring piece for us youths today. He made me realize that money is not the key to everything---- not to honor, not to success, and certainly not to excellence. It grows on how we orient ourselves, how we respond, and how we act to achieve the thing we dream for. Here are the quotes I compiled to somehow guide you in walking the path of life. 

Cry for a while but not for a long time

Take goodbyes but keep moving on

That's life after all

Sometimes there's Huhu but God gives countless reasons to Haha..

If an egg breaks due to an outside force, life inside ends

But if it breaks from the inside, life begins

Great and noble things always begin from the inside

If each of us would share just a tiny bit of goodness within...

then the world will surely be a better place to live.

Three simple tips to play safe in the game of life.

1. Don't promise when you're happy.

2. Don't reply when you're angry.

3. Don't decide when you're sad.

Here's another three rules in life.

1. If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it.

2. If you don't ask, the answer will always be a NO.

3. If you don't step forward, you'll always be in the same place.

EXCELLENCE is not an act but a habit.

The things you love the most are the things you will do best.

Aim high because God didn't create dummies!

 

Feelings

Feelings

Love... Jealousy... Hate...

They change hearts...lives...future...

These three feelings are definitely the most powerful things in the world....not money, not any material things.

Today, I have dealt with them. The three of them clashing in me...crushing the inside of me.

Now, whether I like it or not, I'm gonna deal with them...no choice leaves me to face them before I complicate everything...

Why now? Not now...

It's really ironic....

After several years of courting, he'd just backed off. That's it... The end...

Now I feel what they are always saying.... that love could be painful as hell...

Before, this sounded rubbish... nonsense...

Now, this sounds...I don't know. Maybe I'm the one who is being irrational... stupid... silly...

If I just didn't take him for granted. If I only said yes...

That's eight years he's been around me... Wooing me...loving me...

What I've been thinking... If I only expressed what I feel for him...

Now he's gone. He's now tired with me. He's now with her...

And that thought alone kills me... burning me like hell...

I just don' know what to do next... to say next...

What will I be when we meet? I just couldn't know what to do...
Damn, I feel like crying, anxious, hateful...
Please, give me another chance. I wanna be with you...

Live Love Serve

Live Love Serve

Hi! As you can see, this is my first blog. Hooray! Anyway, I just made this blog to have a somewhat "online diary" about my thoughts and opinions on things inclined particularly in the woman's emotional aspects.