Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Funny Quotes

Time to Tickle Your Funny Bones!

Yes, laughter is always the best medicines----though sometimes it could be the killer. I once heard my roommate breaking the news that her previous schoolmate's dad died after experiencing a great bliss. He technically had a heart attack after, well, laughing so hard when he knew that his son won in the SK election. This is honestly true----go ahead search it in your all-time favorite Google if you're not convinced. 

Anyway, I always have this humorous bone in my body. I find myself so easy to laugh, even if the jokes are  obviously corny. I honestly hate engaging in serious conversations and I always try to save them with some of  the humors hidden at the back of my head. I used to memorize some of the jokes, thinking that these will come in  handy in case I need to impress my friends, or sometimes my crush. And I dare say, those tactics were truly effective. Humor can actually do such wonders. 

Here are a few jokes that I hope will get the bark, I mean the laugh, out of you.

Makabagong sagisag ng Pilipinas:

Pambansang Ibon: ANGRY BIRD
Pambansang Laro: DOTA
Pambansang Sayaw: TEACH ME HOW TO DOUGIE

Juan at the library: I want to borrow the book entitled "Psycho the Rapist."
The librarian searched for almost two hours then came back, slaps him and says,

"Idiot! The book's title is "Psychotherapist"!

Huh? Me? A muggle? Expelliarmus!!!

Kapag madami ang hadlang sa landas na gusto mong tahakin...
Kapag lahat nakakabangga mo at kumokontra sa 'yo...
Huwag kang makulit...
EXIT yan... dun ka sa ENTRANCE.


Juan: Bagay ba to?
Pedro: Oo
Juan: Nasa bahay?
Pedro: Oo!
Juan: Ginagamit sa kusina?
Pedro: Oo!!
Juan: Matalim ba to?
Pedro: Oo!!!
Juan: Pinaghihiwa ng sibuyas, kamatis, ganon?
Pedro: Oo!! Oo!!

Juan: Uhm... Uhm... Pass!

John: I've been seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Peter: Have you seen a doctor?
John: No, just spots.

Years ago, people who sacrifice their sleep, family, food, laughter and other joys of life were called saints.

But now they are called STUDENTS.    :P

What happens when a lion roars thrice?
Any guess?
Ok, I will tell you..
Tom and Jerry cartoon begins!

Top 6 problems of students:
1. Allowance
2. Assignment
3. Exam
4. Grades
5. Professors and...

6. Paper!!!

Let's make life easier, shall we?

Two terrorists having discussion in a bar...
The waiter asks them what the discussion was about.

Terrorist: We are planning to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey..
Waiter: Why a donkey?
[Then one terrorist tells the other]
" See, I told you. Nobody will care about the 14 thousand people."

I guess I'll use Yahoo instead

Isang gabi, may babaeng nasiraan ng kotse sa isang liblib na bayan.
Sa tapat ng sementeryo may puno ng balete.
May lumapit na matandang may binebentang isang libro sa halagang Dalawang libong piso
Namahalan siya pero napilitan syang bilhin ang libro dahil na rin sa takot

Sabi ng matanda, "Huwag mong titingnan ang huling pahina kundi magsisisi ka!"
Tapos nawala na ang matanda...

Umandar ang kotse. Sa bahay hindi siya makatulog, kinuha ang libro, at tiningnan ang huling pahina.

[In Bisayan Language]
JUAN: Pedro, sure ka mao ni ang lubnganan sa imong igsoon nga si Ramon?
PEDRO: Sure jud ko!
JUAN: Unsa imung ilhanan nga 10 ka tuig na man kaha nga wala kay bisita sa puntod?
PEDRO: Kani kay naa man gud R.I.P.
JUAN: Unsa man diay ng R.I.P.?

PEDRO: "Ramon Igsoong Pedro."

 Yeah, dare to call them gay.

Boy: Kabalo ka, mura kag kabayo doh
Girl: Kay gusto ko nimo sakyan?
Boy: Dili
Girl: Kay paspas mubuto imung kasingkasing kung naa ko?
Boy: Dili pod
Girl: Unsa diay?

Boy: Wala lang, mura lang gud kag kabayo.

I 'll never wish to have a heart attack in Africa.


Love Quotes

Hi! I'm sort of in love today since I realize there are still several people out there (especially this special one <3) who love me. It's weird right? Knowing that today is Halloweeen? Lol. Well I guess I feel the love in the air if it's some kind of horror day. Rofl. Anyway, I compiled a couple of love quotes in which some are in Filipino language, so lucky for you Filipino readers. :) Enjoy!

Loving someone who doesn't feel the same way, is like using a WHITE CRAYON in a WHITE PAPER---- you exert effort, yet its always invisible.

It is impossible to find someone who will never hurt you...

So go on for the one who is WORTH ALL THE PAIN..

He said: Walang matinong lalaki sa malanding babae.
She said: Walang malanding babae kung matino ang lalaki
Sino sa tingin mo ang tama?

Girl: Ano pangarap mo?
Boy: Gusto ko mapag-isa
Girl: Sunget mo naman!!!

Boy: Ang puso nating dalawa... <3

While kuya is studying his lessons, his little brother came to ask him;
Little Brother: Kuya, ano ang love?
Kuya: Ang love parang ikaw... ISTORBO sa pag-aaral!

One of the most happiest things on earth is when you know you're in love with someone who is more in love with you... [so true]

[This is in Bisayan language]
Kung ikaw akong kontra sa lumbag dagan...
pwede maglakaw na lang ta?
Nganu mo dagan pa man ko kung kuyog na nako akong premyo?

Huwag kang magtaka kung bigla kang i-kidnap at ilagay sa sako,
si Santa Claus yun... Ikaw kasi ang wish ko ngayong pasko...

[And my most favorite one]
You will never be enough for everybody...
But this is for sure;
You are the best for someone who really appreciates you...

I end this post with the poem I love, Sonnet 116: Let me not to the marriage of true minds, by the well-admired William Shakespeare. 


Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark 
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks 
Within his bending sickle's compass come: 
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, 
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
   If this be error and upon me proved,
   I never writ, nor no man ever loved. 

And here's its analysis taken line by line...

Let me not declare any reasons why two
True-minded people should not be married. Love is not love
Which changes when it finds a change in circumstances,
Or bends from its firm stand even when a lover is unfaithful:
Oh no! it is a lighthouse
That sees storms but it never shaken;
Love is the guiding north star to every lost ship,
Whose value cannot be calculated, although its altitude can be measured.
Love is not at the mercy of Time, though physical beauty
Comes within the compass of his sickle.
Love does not alter with hours and weeks,
But, rather, it endures until the last day of life.
If I am proved wrong about these thoughts on love
Then I recant all that I have written, and no man has ever [truly] loved.

I love this poem. I hope you see why I do so...

Enjoy your Halloweens Guys!!!